The 25th anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing, April 19, 2020, is occurring while the state is under stay-at-home protection orders due to the coronavirus. This is the first year that families of victims and survivors will not gather at the memorial site.
“This anniversary is kind of different, disheartening,” said Anne Marshall, whose husband, Raymond Johnson, was among the 168 people who died in the bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in 1995 in Oklahoma City.
“The site is closed,” she added. “Barricades have been put up, and the families who have bonded through this ordeal won’t be allowed to visit.”
Most of the observances have been moved to an online format with local television stations airing special coverage – an unexpected blow for Marshall. In News Channel 9’s interview with a medical examiner, airing April 17, 2020, a photo showed a whiteboard with names of those who died and noted how the victims were identified. For the first time, Marshall realized that dental records were used to identify her husband.
“It kind of threw me for a loop, you know; you’re just watching the coverage, and all of a sudden, you see the name,” said Marshall. “Everyone was texting me and saying, ‘Did you see that? Are you watching?’ It was shocking after all of these years and not knowing these details.”
Over the past 25 years, Marshall said, she has h
ad different reactions to the anniversary, sometimes feeling overwhelmed and other times finding a sense of peace through support from friends and connections to other families who lost loved ones in the bombing. She has attended many, but not all, of the memorial gatherings.
“As time has gone by, there is healing in the collective, shared grieving with other families,” she said.
Along with the discovery of how her husband was identified, Marshall still has unanswered questions and thoughts that flood her memory each year. Early on, she wrote four letters to Timothy McVeigh, the convicted bomber. Each letter was returned unopened. She never sensed any kind of remorse from McVeigh, even when she witnessed his execution on June 11, 2001, in Terre Haute, Indiana.
At the time of the bombing, Marshall was working out of New York City as a staff member of The United Methodist Church’s Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns. She caught a flight back to Oklahoma City the day of the bombing. When she arrived, rescue workers asked for a description of what her husband was wearing that day to work.
“I didn’t get to see him that morning because I was in New York,” she recalled. “I had no idea, and so that has stuck with me. I wonder, what did he wear? They didn’t return any clothing; they just returned his billfold, some change from his pocket and a pocketknife; that was all I got back.”
Marshall met with the rescue workers who recovered her husband’s remains. In the summer of 1995, she visited the team in Sacramento and gave them gifts representing her Muscogee Creek heritage to honor their efforts in caring for her husband.
Ultimately, the kindness of friends, families and complete strangers has helped her heal throughout the years. Marshall recalled that after the perimeter fence and debris were cleared away, for the first time, she went to the bombing site. She was met by an FBI agent, and she shared her story. He found folding chairs, and Marshall and a friend sat beneath what has become known as the “Survivor Tree.”
“We ended up sitting there the whole afternoon, talking, laughing and crying,” she said. “I appreciated that, probably more than he knows. It did more for me than anything else.”
She also said the numerous calls and visits from friends and family helped her make it through the really tough times.
Marshall had an opportunity to share her experience and pay forward the kindness she experienced after the 9/11 attacks in New York City. The United States Department of Justice brought together widows from the Oklahoma City bombing to meet with widows of 9/11. They found support in sharing about their husbands and the difficulties of living without them.
Throughout the healing process, Marshall said, she has redefined who she is and feels braver and stronger because of the experience.
“After this event, it gave me more courage; I became bolder,” she said. “I became far more outspoken because I know I couldn’t go through anything worse than what I’ve already gone through. It wasn’t closure, but a growth process.”
Marshall said she believes she became a better person willing to act for other people and to be a voice for those who are silenced. Marshall is an active member of Wewoka United Methodist Church in the Oklahoma Indian Missionary Conference. She is a delegate to the 2021 United Methodist General Conference.
Today, Marshall serves on the Muskogee Creek tribal council. She is working on legislation to ensure all tribal members are counted in the 2020 U.S. Census. She is also seeking to create an all-female honor guard for the tribe.
Coordinators for the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial are hoping to bring families together in the fall when the stay-at-home orders have been lifted.
